‘Unlovable’ no longer – Monster Match mobile dating app debuts with huge success

Taylor Articles

Looking for a graveyard smash? New Monster Match mobile dating app is here to help you find your boo thang. 

“This is the first dating app where I feel like I can truly be transparent about who I am,” says an anonymous 150-year-old ghost. “I used to be worried that I would never find a kindred spirit. But now, thanks to Monster Match, I found a lovely ghoul to take to all my favorite haunts.”

Monster Match searches within at 666 mile radius to ensure you don’t miss out on the partner of your nightmares. 

Isabella the vampire, the most successful Monster Match user to date with 94 successful dates since joining the service, raved about his experience. “I always like to invite a sexy man to join me for bite to eat, but it can be so hard to meet someone nice when you sleep all day. I have met more men in the last six months using this app than I did in the last 2000 years of my life!” 

But with so many individual dates, can they really be considered successful? “Even if it doesn’t work out, there’s no bad blood,” Isabella told us with a smile.

However, just like any dating app, it’s not perfect. The in-app rating system and chat features help you narrow down your options to those who seem most compatible. But despite these efforts, many matches simply don’t work out.

“She wasn’t who I thought she was,” said a pouting Frankenstein. “Her profile pictures showed a monstrously beautiful maiden. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was that she would swipe right for me! Then she sent me a pick-up line that had me in stitches.”

But things turned foul when Frankenstein met his match face to face. 

“When I showed up for the date, she just shrieked insults at me. I left as soon as I could. I don’t have time to put up with wretched sirens.”

For Frankenstein, this heartbreak was devastating. 

“I have been abandoned by everyone in my life time and time again. Sure, I recognize that has left a lot of scars. But I won’t allow someone to throw my traumas back in my face.” 

Thankfully, even that bad experience isn’t going to keep young Frank down. 

“I’ve done a lot of soul searching – enough to find I really don’t have a soul – but I’ve learned to love myself for who I was made to be. It will take time, but I know I can find a partner worthy of the great love I have to give.”

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